Posted by: akilamoni | June 7, 2006

did you know?

After three days of induction my words of gyan…

DID YOU KNOW?

 BPW(BEVERAGE PARTNERSHIP WORLDWIDE) is a partnership between Coca cola and Nestle? So that means they co own all ready to drink beverages like nestea etc. But the same nescafe powder/vending machines belong to nestle. Only ready to drink beverages!!!!

Okie after that informative piece… here are some completely useless piece of information.

 My office has a bathroom inside the ladies loo which has glass doors….
Now I got curious because it was complete with shower and everything. Hmmmm…. Interesting
 It helps to use your CEO’s name every 5 minutes. Like I was with XYZ. XYZ had held me up. XYZ has called me. Now That shows how important you are.
 My favourite corporate phrase is “sorry?”. Now it’s not sorry…..it is sorry?
You have to say sorry? When you haven’t heard something properly. Sorry? When you are buying time for your boss’s question. Sorry? To express your disapproval of somebody’s comment. It is like f***/ fudge….sorry? except that whenever someone says sorry? I feel like blurting out eggjactly(for those who don’t get the joke watch salaam namaste)
 My other favourite words are flavour, unique, align,paradigm, strategize. You can use them anywhere, anytime. As long it is there it is good.
 My other favourite line is You know……
Frankly I don’t know…but since you insist ..maybe I do know!
The more years of experience you have, the more you knows you should use in your sentence. The less you have to speak the more you knows should feature in your sentence.

You know is the corporate version of yatayata yata!!!!

 Saw a really nice cover of an annual report. It had an outline of a contour bottle and said,” quick, name a soft drink in a second..” try it!
 There is no one mantra for success. There are lots. In fact everything is a mantra. Whichever works is the best mantra!
 Most companies have everything in the process(forever)
 I realised I hate being called babe by anyone except for my brother who calls me bayb!
 There will always be worldwide standards and worldwide exceptions in standards.
 Difference between Management trainees and summer trainees?
 Nothing MTs are treated with a bit more respect than STs. They are both equally unimportant and useless in a company and ya also the most easily forgotten in the organization. No organization chart has an MT/ST in it. So technically you are non existent.

 All big guys in the organization are nice as long as they are in minority and you are in majority. That is when statements like, “ please call me up when you feel you need some info”, “ I believe in an open door policy”, “ drop me a mail”. Try all this on a one to one basis and you are sure to get fired!
 I love fresh office supplies. They enthuse me to do work.
 People are inherently lazy
 Theory X rocks
 Theory Y rocks selectively.
 Half the brand names are cute but don’t mean in daily language. Snapple?? Fanta, springle???!
 Every brand manager is thinking of a 1000 things his brand means, but in real you don’t even think half of it applies.
 Coke was used as a headache medicine in olden days. I want to give some for Medha Patkar.
 Every department thinks it is the most vital dept. in the organization, except maybe HR!!!
 The most fashionable statement in corporate world is to say” I have a bad memory for names”. Wonder how come people remember their names:P!
 I am super sure that the work I am cut out to do is that of an office assistant.
 People love to bash the HR department. The sad part is they fail to realise they are equally useless.
 People love to take credit for whatever vague thing they hear.
 Anu is right when she says don’t make anything larger than life. Including your job…..
 Forgot to mention….hand movements while talking to people helps to distract them from hearing the shit you are talking. I use it all the time.
 I can get tipsy without drinking. I just need to be tired and listening to ppts the whole days. I start laughing for nothing and get all tipsy!
 And again….forgot to mention….an accent helps while in the corporate world. Even if you were born in ammijikarai and brought up in kammangarai.

Finally MY LAST AND FINAL PIECE OF INFO….cliched, but def. useful. Take pride in what you do and you will love it.

PS: I wrote all this in my notepad, throughout my third day of induction.That is why the disconnect in the points! Will collate them all and publish a book. You can be a corporate too!

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Responses

  1. Wait till you have office picnics..
    the number of fundas that come out might just quadruple!!
    excellent post though 🙂

  2. Yo!!! Wild thing …you r BACK……!!!

    and the gyan about how useless everyone (dept/job) is…bang on….talking from whatever experience i have….my field is supposed to unearth a need/gap in the market..make a product to fill the gap…and make tons of money…but all we do is to create a artificial need …burn billions of money in enticing…”CONSUMERS” and selling shit..and few decade later compalin about stagnat market and invent another useless product to fool the consumers further….Now this comment might sound disconnected too..cos it is after a ” STRATEGY ” meeting with my boss…

  3. hehe….BINGO. The cloak of anonymity does wonders to the hidden mystery novelist in me. It also helps when you have a dozen or more cousins lurking in this world. Good job though. I am either highly predictable or you are a budding Holmes.

  4. that is sooo encouraging, lady! (Especially the last line of the post ;))

  5. Oh My GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU ROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!
    The cyber cafe guy must have thought that i have really gone nuts!!!!!!!!!
    laughed till i cried!!!!!
    Thanks for that


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